My New Skills

There are some things in the army that you learn because someone teaches it to you, and there are other skills you pick up just from the day-to-day life. Below are some possible professions I can one day have from my newly acquired skills.

Professional egg peeler: It is no doubt that a staple in the army is the hard boiled egg, a dish served at almost every breakfast and dinner. As a result, I have peeled many eggs over the last eight weeks, peeling more hard boiled eggs than I may have in my entire life. As this skill of mine is improving, maybe one day I can become a professional egg peeler.

Shoeshiner: There is the term in the army called "Galchatz" which essentially means shaving your beard and shining your shoes. Every day we need to take our brush and shoe polish to make sure our boots are a clean black, without any dirt or marks on them. This newly acquired skill has taught me that I may one day be a shoeshiner.

*Shoe brush and polish to shine our shoes

A Kindergartener: By this I don't mean a Kindergarten teacher, but rather a kindergartener itself. In the army we need to stand in a lot of lines, and I have gotten pretty good at it. These lines need to be straight and proper, and since kindergarteners need to stand in many lines, I think I have acquired the skill to be one of them.

An Accountant: In the army we need to stand in the shape of a "chet", which is one of the Hebrew letters. While doing that, we need to make sure the base is longer than the sides, and that the sides have an equal amount of people. We therefore always need to count how many people are on each side, and this skill will make me a good accountant.

Magician: During meals, we many times can only get one of something, whether that be schnitzel, croissant, or something else. Therefore, in order to get a second piece of whatever we desire, we need to make that first piece disappear and go to the other counter to get a second one. I have done this by holding the first croissant in my hand under the tray, and presenting the tray to the second counter where they usually give me another croissant. This disappearing work I have mastered will certainly make me a good magician.

Professional Squeegee User: Morning times in the army means "misdar", which is the term used for clean-up time. Essentially the way to do this is to dump water on the floor and use a squeegee to clean the floor and push the water out. I have therefore become very comfortable with the back and forth motions of a squeegee, and can possibly one day have a career in that.

Creative Imaginative Thinker: In a few years a company will hire me for their creative imagination team due to the hours of standing and allowing my mind to run wild. In the army we need to do what's called "shmira", which means standing and guarding something. Sometimes this guarding can be important, but often times you just stand at a random place "guarding" it for two hours, without any point. As my friend said: "I had to guard a door for two hours." This time allows ones imagination to run wild, which is going to make me a great creative thinker when I get released.

Poland Spring Factory Worker: Last but not least, I will be a great water bottle filler for any water bottle company willing to hire me. After every break, we need to make sure our water bottles are filled to the brim, with as minimal space for air as possible. Therefore, I have gotten quite good at filling up my water bottle, and might have to make a career of it.

*Water bottle used in the army

As you can see, I have acquired many new skills that will give me career choices for after the army. While these are all jokes, I also would like to say that I am learning actual stuff as well, and not only how to be a professional egg peeler. With that being said, if a professional squeegee user position becomes available, please let me know.